I've got two poems of the same name, go creativity, this is number one. Tell me what you think?
Sometimes I want to write
Something beautiful like
Words are flowing out like...
Like endless rain,
Like driving in the rain,
Or singing in the rain,
Stage lights and tap shoes and love.
I think of those stories unique to me
My own personal dirty history,
A guidebook of how not to be.
And words flow out like...
Like the crinkled pages of my books,
Stained with teardrops
That fell like endless rain.
And when you pack your bags and go away,
I know you'll miss my words,
And I'll miss your voice,
Infinitely superior to text on a page.
And when I miss you I put on headphones,
And open my bubble umbrella,
Splash around
Sing,
“Singing in the rain,”
In the rain.
Sometimes I want to write
Something beautiful like
Corsets and poetry and blood sugar levels—
For what is poetry but a sad man's song?
An exclamation of hope?
A celebration of beauty?
Or a lament of love?
Sometimes I want to write
Something beautiful like:
Love is patient, love is kind.
But love’s a corset. Love is blind.
And I'll try my hand at rhyme.
Sometimes I want to write
Something beautiful like
Death is but the next great adventure,
Singing in her last song she died,
Maybe this is my next great adventure.
Turn the lights off in this house.
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Canary word: Present
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Fisrt off I'd like to say that I really liked this poem, normally a poem like this would come off as nothing but meaningless rambles, but this is wonderful! Saying how you want to write something beautiful and then elaborrating on that thought is very nice... I have a few suggestiond though...
Here you use the word "rain" three time in a row... try finding words you could replace rain with, repatition in poetry can be good sometimes but others not...
Here agian you used "rain" if it was not used so much in the second stanza it would be okay...
These right here are my favorite stanzas in this poem! I love them!!
I really dont see how this ties into the rest of the poem.. Just saying...
Overall, I loved it!
Hope this helps,
~Rain~
Oh my goodness. This is a wonderful poem. It obviously is very scatterbrained, but that happens to me more often than I want to think about: I feel so much, and have so much bottled up inside me that I want to write about but can't figure out how. I liked this part:
"Like endless rain,
Like driving in the rain,
Or singing in the rain,
Stage lights and tap shoes and love."
I think it kind of represents how life is made up of these tiny, colorful fragments that we don't always notice; but when we do, we are struck with the realization of how beautiful they really are. (See, you're not the only one who has rambling problems!) Well I can't really find anything to critique, so well done!